🇪🇹Bald-Headed Demon

🇪🇹Bald-Headed Demon

17-11-2022

15:38

One day, we’re going to talk about how a lot of you are in relationships with people who don’t actually like YOU as a person. They like the way other people look at you, yes. What you can add to their lives, yes. But you? No. They don’t know your fave color, cocktail, song, size.

They scoff at your dreams, minimize your accomplishments, chastise your behavior, and critique your wardrobe. You don’t realize this isn’t “I like you” behavior because you grew up with it. Your parents did the same shit and they LOVE you so why would this type of treatment be a

This was something I had to learn. You’re fucking with people RIGHT NOW, romantically and platonically, that don’t fucking like you. You go to brunch with them, the club, even vacation just to fall out when you get there because you haven’t been taught what “like” really is.

We ignore sign after sign until you’re on your birthday dinner sitting alone because folks wanted to finally demonstrate how they really felt about you. First clue? Friends plan YOUR birthday party. You shouldn’t have to plan your own.

They don’t make fun of you on video and post it, they don’t insult you and then say “just kidding”, they don’t steal from you, or sabotage you, or make you feel less than. And they damn sure don’t lay hands on you. Unfortunately, we’re brought up with physical violence…

Physical violence perpetrated by people who don’t know better and think they’re “loving” us when really they’re priming us for emotional and physical abuse later in life. We’re trauma bonded before puberty. We don’t even know what love actually looks like, let alone FRIENDSHIP.

Y’all out here picking friends, just like you pick your partners, off of optics. How will this pic look on IG? Can I get into a club with this girl? Instead of is this person kind, respectful, considerate, fun, caring…Shit, fam. Are YOU any of those things???

Parents are posting videos online of them humiliating, scaring, and abusing their children online simply because they think it’s funny. How is that child supposed to discern real friendship behavior when they can’t even trust their own parents?

We don’t teach people how to treat us. Our parents teach us how to let people treat us. It’s why women get with someone and say they’re “too nice”. It’s because they expect meanness as affection, learned from parents. Y’all speak fondly of getting whooped. It’s Pavlovian.

Yelling isn’t a red flag because your parents yelled. Neither is getting called out your name, having your belongings destroyed, privacy invasion…y’all actually think going through someone’s phone is acceptable and a normal part of a relationship. Of course you would…

Your parents read your diary and you read your kids. Trust? What’s that? Y’all don’t even know what it looks like.

The movie Runaway Bride was a revelation to me. Ol girl’s partners all said she liked her eggs the way they liked their eggs because she would always mold herself into who THEY needed her to be instead of being herself. She didn’t KNOW how she liked her own damn eggs.

I see it every day. The girl that keeps her hair long because her man likes it even though she’s wanted it short for years. I had a white client that would come 3 times a week for a blowout because her man didn’t know her hair was curly. They’d been together 2 years.

You let people pick your makeup, your hair, your meals, your wardrobe, etc. It’s almost impossible to develop autonomy as an adult when as a child it was beat the fuck out of you. Voicing your opinion as a child is enough to get you called “fast”.

My mother would tell me “people will weed themselves out of your life. Let them.” If someone does something shady, let them go. I can guarantee you, not one person will tell you a friend did ONE shiesty thing and it never happened again. Shiesty is never an accident. NEVER.

Any time I let some shady shit slide, the next incident was even shadier. The disrespect gets worse, not better. I’m all for cutting someone off because they ghosted your bday party. Because I absolutely know this wasn’t their first asshole move. This is just their latest.

Stop hanging with shady people. That shadiness will ABSOLUTELY make its way to you someday. Guaranteed. Stop gaslighting yourself saying “I’m being too sensitive”. No, you’re fucking not. That person is wretched and you know it. You just don’t want to be alone.

We stay in shitty friendships the same reason we do shitty relationships. We’re either too scared to be alone or too lazy to end it and start over. Y’all would rather hang out with a mean girl than sit at STK by yourself. TF?!

I wish magazines would talk more about how to cultivate real friendships instead of “7 Daily Ways To Keep Your Man From Straying”. As if partners have any control over the selfish behavior of another person…

Every single one of y’all have a person you’re quite cool with that you wouldn’t leave your purse, your partner, or your Social Security number with. That’s the one that’s going to get you fucked up. Clean house.

We’ve all lost friends in times we didn’t expect. For me, it was the death of my child. But the signs were already there. Big, bright, flashing neon ass signs that I ignored because I wanted to think better of the person. But truthfully, I hurt my own fucking feelings…

I watched them scheme, and lie, and scam nearly every single person in their life and Baby Huey’d myself into thinking it would never be me. It took TEN MISSED CALLS for them to even finally answer to tell them my child was gone. TEN. Everyone else answered on the first ring.

My nail tech’s daughter came to my child’s service to represent her family and to show support to mine. And she didn’t. But again, the signs were there and I ignored them. I take accountability for that, especially because I grew up with a kind mother. I knew the shit was off.

Now? My discernment is TOP TIER. I have laser focus on unacceptable traits and I don’t allow them even past the first firewall. I have amazing, caring, considerate friends that I don’t have to “watch”. It’s peaceful as fuck over here and I want that for everybody.



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