Subhajit | Resilient Human

Subhajit | Resilient Human

22-06-2022

13:02

How to radiate confidence even when you’re feeling nervous - thread -

Confidence is like a game of poker. Sometimes you get a good hand. And sometimes you get such a lousy one that you want to throw it away.

But whatever the hand, you don't let the cracks appear in your mask. Now, I know what you’re thinking… It’s so much easier to project confidence when you’re feeling confident. Not so much when you’re not.

But even on the days when you’re running empty, knowing the rules of the game tips the scale in your favor.

Now don’t get me wrong here… Tricks and strategies have their place. But projecting confidence and building inner confidence are two different games. You won't get far if you ignore the second for too long.

This thread will teach you how to play both of them well. So here’s how to radiate confidence even when you’re feeling nervous:

1. Keep a Relaxed Body Language Most people try to take as little space as possible. They sit with their backs hunched or arms folded. They don't want to stand out. And that projects insecurity.

Try this instead. Sit in an asymmetrical position and spread yourself out in a comfortable way. This little trick forces you to relax.

Want to take this to the next level? Then use the space around you and move freely. When you show that you're not shy to take up your space, it projects confidence.

2. Stay Non-reactive Want to appear confident? Then remain non-reactive. If you’re able to do that, even under pressure, it shows that you’re unaffected by what’s happening around you. It makes you stand out as a leader.

Try not to fidget. This is hard to fake. Because your emotions get the best of you when stakes are high.

Now, don't get me wrong here. Staying in touch with your emotions is important. But keeping them in check and not reacting saves you from costly mistakes. And it also inspires confidence in others.

3. Take a Pause We are weird. We give ourselves only 30% as much time to respond as we would give someone else. This is why taking a pause feels so difficult. But force yourself to do so. It’s one of the most powerful tools in your possession.

It buys you valuable time to sort out your thoughts. And it stops you from coming across as someone who is confused and lost. So if you’re in a stressful situation and you feel the need to do something right now? Take a deep breath and pause.

4. Control Who Gets Your Attention Now this one might be a bit controversial… Do not give your attention freely to everyone. Make them earn it.

If someone bores you, starve them of your attention. Stay aloof, break eye contact. If someone says something interesting, give them your full attention. This makes it a valuable commodity. And others will vie for it more.

5. Control the Cadence of the Conversation What do I mean by that? Become comfortable with silence. Take a pause when you need to think. Speed up a bit when you're trying to make a strong point.

And the most important thing… Don't apologize for doing that. Do that and it projects that you are in control.

6. Control the Emotional tone of the Interaction Confident people control the mood of the conversation. They make the tone serious in a goofy conversation when it calls for it. Or they can choose humor to cut through the tension in a serious conversation.

It shows tremendous confidence. It projects leadership. And it attracts everyone’s attention to you like a magnet.

7. Reject Framing that you Disagree With Now this one sounds pretty complex, but it’s really not. In a tense conversation, emotions often run high. People are not always thinking straight in these situations. They ask loaded questions.

What do I mean by that? Questions where certain assumptions are already built-in. Trying to answer these questions directly is foolishness.

So what do you do? You reject the framing of the question. You reject the underlying assumption. Then you assert your own frame ina calm and confident manner. It projects how secure you are in your own truth.

8. Engage in Banter What to do when someone insults you? Never fall into the trap of responding to the insult. Reject the premise of the insult itself. And then reply with a banter instead.

Nothing projects confidence more than someone who can respond to an insult with a banter. It steals the sting away from the insult. And it reveals how ridiculous the insult was in the first place. Do you want to know a secret?

The most confident people don't even bother with defending themselves. It makes you them across as charming and witty. And it projects a dangerous amount of confidence.

9. Let go of the Need to Impress Others Do you know what’s the sneakiest confidence killer? The need for approval and the need to impress others. It makes you appear needy. And not even in the same zip code of being confident.

Instead, believe that you’re the prize. Believe that the other person needs to work with you. This will make you less prone to flattery and more likely to push back and give valuable advice. Everyone likes that kind of confidence.

10. Be Ready to Walk Away Check if your interests match with the people you are with. If yes, then work with them. But what happens when they don’t? Do you still try to convince them? Never.

Walk away if your interests are not reciprocated. It’s better for both parties. And it projects you as the one confident of their value.

But one caveat here. Don’t do that with an emotional huff. It only makes people glad to get rid of you.

11. Build Positive Experiences to Draw Upon Confidence comes easy when you have previous wins to draw upon. So now it’s a chicken and egg problem. How do you score some confidence wins if you’re struggling with confidence?

Let me share a secret… You rig the game in your favor. You decide what a win is.

Be proud for cracking that joke. Pat yourself for taking a thoughtful silence before answering that question. Admire your courage for opening up even when you felt embarrassed. Instead of beating yourself up about what could have gone better, appreciate these small wins.

When you do that, it builds up a store of positive experiences. These memories of how good it felt help you out the next time. It doesn’t matter how big the win was. The only thing that matters is how it made you feel. Trust me - it’s okay to trick yourself like this.

12. Believe no Matter What you will be Okay Superficial tricks and tactics do help. But they are not the complete package. True confidence comes from believing in yourself. It comes from knowing the fact that no matter what, you will be okay.

How do you develop this belief? By doing those things that you’re afraid of. By standing by your values. By letting go of the fear of embarrassing yourself.

Doing this makes you secure in your own identity. And this is the magical ingredient that changes everything. You stop caring about others' approval. You don’t care if they reject you or not. Because deep down you know, you belong. You will never reject yourself.

You look forward to more scenarios where you can test yourself. You push yourself out of your comfort zone. You test your limits and extend your boundaries. And do you know what else? You no longer need to read threads like these.

I'm looking for a few more people in their 30s-40s who want to become ASSERTIVE and SECURE in their relationships in 12 weeks. Without spending time and energy on trial and error. DM me and let's see if we are a good fit 👇

If you liked this thread do me 2 favors: 1. Follow me for more @resilientthuman 2. Retweet the top Tweet I will not rest until everyone learns to ask what they deserve without guilt and shame. Join me.


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