Alex Mathers

Alex Mathers

21-04-2022

13:01

The 7 worst pieces of advice young men must ignore to be happy - thread -

As a highly analytical guy fascinated by human behaviour, I’m fortunate to have gathered unbiased insights many can miss. Here are some I wish I had known earlier. I’m envious of younger guys who can reflect on these and act on them today with awareness:

1. ‘Communication solves all relationship issues.’ There is nuance here, of course. Communication does indeed solve most interpersonal problems - absolutely.

But in a romantic context: hell no. She tells you you need to ‘open up,’ but it’s another subconscious strength test, guys. You’re weak in her eyes if you reveal all, even if she vehemently denies this in the comments (see below).

Be honest, be playful, and have fun conversations about the world, but keep the personal, morose stuff sparse. Spending hours on the phone with her means you’re her girlfriend, not her man. Communicating selectively and consciously builds your bond - it doesn’t break it.

2. ‘Get (legally) married.’ We’ve long since peaked in terms of the overall value that formal, state-mandated contractual marriage agreements present to most men. It’s no longer the 1950s, and - for the average man and woman - we just have to find new ways to adjust.

Certain marriages (particularly couples who practice faith) can still, of course, work, and we can discuss new options for a modern world. But, I can no longer sit by and watch men jump into marriages on limited and rose-tinted ‘advice’ from unhappily married people.

The risk for most men, should it fail, is monumental. For those women disagreeing, might I suggest you publicly protest the deeply unjust marital laws and legal structures that operate to destroy men who get divorced?

We see none of this, and men are shamed for trying. Perhaps less protesting in the streets to show us your 'saintly virtue' over issues we know little about, and more of this if you care to marry good men in future?

3. ‘Be more in touch with your feelings.’ Feelings are little more than your body’s reflection of the state of your thinking in each moment. Trying to find meaning in feelings is like looking for wisdom in an alcohol-fueled dream. It’s pointless.

Emotions will continually fluctuate. When a woman advises you to express your feelings, it may work for her but not for you.

Do this instead: train in the gym. Go hiking. Be creative. Talk appalling shit with your guy friends. Build something.

Stop obsessing about ‘mental health.’ Don’t cry in front of her like a chump, and certainly don’t complain. Do what alive men do and release your energy by creating cool shit.

4. ‘Follow your passion.’ Especially for you young dudes, you don’t need to find your ‘purpose’ or know with any clarity what your passion should be. Right now, you need to relax, get out there and experiment the hell out of life and start figuring out how to make money.

You want to gather more and more data about what works and what doesn’t. Act on what works, and you will eventually find yourself on purpose without even realising it.

5. ‘Go plant-based.’ Isn’t this me being unfair and cruel to vegans who make their own choices in life?

Can’t I just live and let live and be nice to the moo-cows, bro? Of course, but I’m here to give it to you straight to those on the fence. I’m entitled to my argument.

I’m sorry to those this offends, but this needs to be said if I’m to stick up for young, impressionable men (and women) who take their guidance from dubious sources. You must protect your health and your strength first and foremost, and ‘plant-based’ simply ain’t it.

6. ‘Have children quickly.’ I’m not saying don’t have children. But having children needs to be viewed as a major and an extremely carefully considered life decision - especially in your twenties.

Children are a gift, and I personally want at least five. But you don’t need to feel obliged to have children just because Crusader Jack on Twitter said so, and you don’t owe your parents a child.

I can see how lightly men take this and either find themselves broke, with a child they need to support for 20 years, or they create a single-mother household, which deprives children of fatherhood.

I’d rather see a man use his resources to build a school for a thousand children than help create a single, neglected child. Wrap up your damn pecker - or know without any doubt that you are willing to take proper, loving care of a human and all the sacrifices this takes.

7. ‘Just be nice.’ I see many men castrating themselves when they follow the feel-good advice to ‘be nice.’ But many men, as I’ve said before, confuse kindness for ‘nice’ and end up pushing more people away than creating bonds.

Then they wonder why they’re continually disrespected and ignored. This happens because you’re covertly trying to gain approval from someone in a bid to increase your sense of self-worth - and we feel it. Niceness breeds resentful men.

Instead, serve people. Be selfish first, but then give without expectation. Channel your aggression and learn to love that side of you. Smile when you want to smile. Be real to be kind.

Lift people up. Be devastatingly honest. Focus on creating a magical life. Though it can seem like it isn’t, The future is yours. 🔆

RECAP: 7 worst pieces of advice young men must ignore to be happy 1. ‘Communication solves all relationship issues’ 2. ‘Get (legally) married.’ 3. ‘Be more in touch with your feelings’ 4. ‘Follow your passion’ 5. ‘Go plant-based’ 6. ‘Have children quickly’ 7. 'Just be nice.'

Thank you. If you enjoyed this, you will love my booklet, for men + women: 'The 12 Habits of Mentally Strong People' Free today for a short time, when you subscribe to my newsletter: 🧔🏻‍♂️ Please click + retweet:


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