david | gentle dom

david | gentle dom

14-11-2022

18:49

My Spiritual Journey - A Thread One of the biggest aspects of my life is my relationship with the divine Creator, Author of everything, some people call this presence “God”.

My parents met at a Christian church. My whole life, from age 8-22, was centered around being an evangelical Christian. However, even from a young age, I always despised going to church on Sundays. While I believed in God, I did not enjoy the church at all.

Nonetheless, I got baptized at age 16 and spent the 4 years of my college life spending most of my time in a campus ministry, even becoming the President of my campus chapter. I led missions trips, prayer meetings, Bible studies, retreats, social events - all for “God”.

This all had a negative relationship on my sexual growth. I had a college girlfriend that I did not have sex with out of fear of committing a “sin”. By the time I was a senior (age 22), I was still a virgin. But during my senior year, I started to drift from the ministry.

As I drifted, I downloaded Tinder. After some awkward car make out sessions, I met somebody. She was also a virgin and a freshman in college. I lost my virginity at age 22. But I remember after losing it, I called a prayer hotline and cried because I felt like a dirty sinner.

After graduating college, I went back to being a good Christian. That lasted a few months, until I met a girl, and started having sex. I hurt this girl by breaking up with her multiple times because I believed our sexual relationship was hurting my “faith”.

But in January 2020, while researching the intersection between masculinity and Christianity, I found @levishaywrites on Twitter. He posted some crazy, heretical things about sex and Christianity that I couldn’t believe could be true. God doesn’t care what I do with my dick?

He recommended Clyde Pilkington’s book “Due Benevolence” on sex and the Bible. My mind was completely opened to the truth that Christianity lies to us about what the Bible really says about sex. Clyde broke it down very logically, and my worldview started to crumble.

Further, I began to learn that Christianity truly lies about everything. Clyde taught me that God is truly loving, doesn’t send people to hell, doesn’t care what kind of sex you have, and that God has a purpose and plan to reconcile all of humanity back to Him.

Once the pandemic hit in March 2020, it made it easy for me to step away from the church. By August 2020, I had completely changed my view of Christianity. I had left it completely behind, I thought I was never going back to church.

However, long story short, at that point, I accidentally joined a Christian cult 😂 that story would be a WHOLE other thread… But basically, I was forced for 3 months to go to church everyday against my will after just having my mind opened to the lies of Christianity.

It was a very confusing, crazy, insane, and painful 3 months. But it was there, being forced to listen to how “YOU MUST REPENT!” everyday, that I became rock solid about my belief that God loves EVERYBODY, and isn’t sending anyone to hell, and he doesn’t care who you fuck.

after exiting that in November 2020, I began to rebuild my life. Still, I had limited sexual experience. Up until June 2021, I had only two sexual partners in my life. I still had this lingering guilt and shame from Christianity every time I had sex, even though I had left it.

My therapist at that time was amazing. He was Jewish and very sexually knowledgeable. That man made me what I am today. He helped me work through the guilt, shame, and poor self-esteem. He gave me homework to start going on Tinder and having lots of sex 😂

And while I don’t recommend it for everyone, having a “hoe phase” helped me shed the religious trauma and guilt and shame that i had associated with sex. My therapist had the religious experience along with the proper training to help me through my pain. I owe so much to him.



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