Elora - Online 1 Room Schoolhouse

Elora - Online 1 Room Schoolhouse

12-11-2022

19:21

⚠️ Mental health crisis In college my stress was so high I was blacking out along the edges of my vision while walking to class. My hands shook for hours at a time. But I hid my shaking hands. No one suspected I was Autistic.

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis I cried myself to sleep and bit the pillow so my roommate wouldn’t hear me. My first thought every morning was wanting to die. But no one heard the crying. People wouldn’t have guessed I was Autistic.

⚠️ Mental Heath Crisis I put off sleep for hours and hours because I was terrified of facing the morning and having to somehow keep working. But I could get ready for bed on my own. Clearly, I wasn’t Autistic, right?

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis, self-harm I would dig my fingernails into my skin and hit my legs to keep me grounded in the present. But I was *subtle* about the ways I hurt myself, not banging my head against a wall or anything, so I definitely couldn’t be Autistic.

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis I felt overwhelming doom and failure about my relationships. I struggled to connect with people and had devastating interpersonal highs and lows. But I could fake a “normal”conversation, so I couldn’t be Autistic. Social skills? We have those, definitely

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis My intrusive thoughts were so bad I was afraid I was losing my grip on reality. I felt like a monster. I had trouble hearing people over the constant movie of my deepest fears playing LOUDLY in my head. But I could fake a smile, so… 🤷🏻‍♀️

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis I dreaded almost every class. Even the things I enjoyed felt like weights pulling me under the waves of exhaustion I couldn’t overcome. I cannibalized any spark of joy I had to fuel my studies. But I made it to class! Autistics can’t do that… right?

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis, disordered eating I overate at every meal because eating was the only stim that was “normal.” People would judge me for flapping my hands, but not for eating until I felt sick. But I didn’t flap my hands! So no Autism here!

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis I regularly broke down and sobbed and shook and panicked horribly, but I managed to hold it in long enough to do it in private. Showers muffle a lot of sounds, turns out. But that couldn’t possibly be an Autistic meltdown. Could it?

⚠️ Mental health crisis, self-unaliving I nearly died. If I had some help, if I’d actually been diagnosed at that point, if I had resources available to me, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad.

⚠️ Mental Health Crisis, self-unaliving I nearly ended my life because I didn’t know how to handle my Autism. I didn’t even know that I was Autistic. I dropped out of college to save my life, and felt like a failure.

After I dropped out of college, I met some amazing people online who understood what I was going through, and after a LOT of research, introspection, and listening, I self-diagnosed as Autistic. Then, I took my concerns to a psychologist, who gave me a formal official diagnosis

My life is so much better now! I have a job I love, I’m not overeating anymore, I feel confident, I’m mentally so much better, I’m happy… All because I finally got the help I needed for being Autistic.

The point I’m trying to drive across here is this: Just because someone seems kind of normal doesn’t mean they aren’t Autistic, and it certainly doesn’t mean they don’t need help. Autism education saves lives. It saved mine. ❤️

This doesn’t just go for Autism! If you or someone you love is struggling, please know that it doesn’t have to seem “bad enough” from the outside to justify getting — or giving — help.

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