Subhajit | Resilient Human

Subhajit | Resilient Human

12-01-2022

13:03

How to Stop Taking Things Personally (Even if You Have a History of Getting Triggered Easily) = THREAD =

“When you let it get personal, the cost becomes personal too.” - Michael Marshall Smith

Do you know the greatest trick that ego pulls on you? It makes you believe that it’s all about you. And it’s easy to believe that. Especially when others project their frustrations, anger, and disappointment on you.

You think they are cruel, hostile, and judgmental. You feel they are out to get you. And you think of yourself as weak and vulnerable. A nasty combination. Facing such an onslaught, you feel the only defense is to take everything personally.

Can you see why it's easy to go overboard? But it’s never really the truth. Even if it feels that way. The world becomes more beautiful once you stop taking things personally. But easier said than done, right? So here’s how you stop taking things personally.

1. Look Back Reflect back. Maybe you were taught not to take pride in yourself? Maybe someone self-centered made you take a 180-degree turn from pride? Stop taking pride in yourself, you value others’ opinions more than your own. And you end up taking things personally.

2. Validate Your Emotions Negative comments invoke negative feelings. But if your first response is to shoo away these feelings then tough luck. You end up judging yourself for these feelings. Validate these feelings and you will respond much better to these situations.

3. Cut Your Supply Negative feelings don't last long on their own. But if you have a habit of worrying, it fans the flames even further. Cut that supply. Catch yourself when you find yourself worrying. You will find yourself taking things less personally.

4. Ignore the “Spotlight Effect” Here’s how the spotlight effect works... Someone makes an offhand comment. You take it personally. You think your flaws and insecurities are now exposed to all. Nothing can be further from the truth though. Ignoring this is your best bet.

5. Have a Nimble Mind You take things more personally when your mind is rigid. You tell yourself the same story every time. Doesn’t matter even if that story has been proved wrong in the past. So what's the solution? The solution is to make your mind flexible.

Consider alternative theories. Take different perspectives. Suggest new explanations. Anything that helps in breaking the self-defeating narrative.

6. Delay Taking Things Personally Here’s a concept that will blow your mind. You can take a rain check on taking things personally. Amazing right? So why would you want to do that? Because when you keep the option of revisiting the story again you give yourself an edge.

You break the reactive habit. You give yourself breathing space for seeking a different perspective. You might even forget about the issue. Worth taking a shot, right?

7. Change Your Perspective Look at the situation from someone else’s point of view. Construct the event from someone else’s eyes. Does it still look like it was all about you? Do this and the urge to take things personally goes away.

8. Be Bold You take things personally more when your needs are not met. You judge yourself for the desire. And you feel people are judging you as well. The antidote is to build boldness and ask for what you want. You take things less personally when your needs are met.

9. Enforce Boundaries You cannot scoop out water from a leaky boat. Inner works have their place. But it doesn’t really help if you keep yourself surrounded by jerks. Set better boundaries and cut them off. You’ll see that you’re taking things a lot less personally.

10. Don't Lower Yourself into Muck It’s tempting to pay in kind when you receive cruel and judgemental comments. But resist that urge. Even though it might feel satisfying, it solves nothing. Stick to the higher road even when you have every reason not to.

11. Build an Interesting Life Seek out good ideas. Have projects and passions worth spending time and energy on. Build a network of interesting people. You stop taking things personally when you have better things to shift your attention to.

Taking things personally is a habit. And like all bad habits, it can be broken. Is it easy? No. But is it possible? Heck yes.

So whenever you feel you are taking things too personally, take a step back and revise these steps. You will feel more grounded. You will feel less bothered by others’ opinions. And you will stop making everything about you.

P.S. I'm looking for a few more people who want to become ASSERTIVE and SECURE in their relationships in 12 weeks. Without spending time and energy on trial and error. Only 4 spots left. DM me and let's see if we are a good fit 👇

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