Dr. Nicole LePera

Dr. Nicole LePera

09-11-2022

20:44

Love bombing is when someone you've just met showers you with attention and affection. It can feel intoxicating, but it's actually a form of emotional manipulation. HOW TO SPOT IT (🧡):

Love bombing can feel so good, passionate, or exciting. You meet a new person (romantic or friend) and all of their attention is focused on you. They might: shower you with compliments, gifts, and make profound declarations of love quickly.

For people who've experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN), love bombing might not feel like a red flag. Instead, it feels like: someone finally values them, appreciates them, or "gets" them.

They might even say "I've never been this way with anyone else," which can make the person feel even more special. People who engage in love bombing typically have attachment wounding and lack emotional maturity (and emotional regulation skills)

Their attachment wounding has them create a version of emotional intimacy too quickly. Attachment wounding means they don't feel safe in relationships (usually anxious or avoidant) so they attempt to create an intense bond quickly to feel safe.

Love bombing may seem loving, but underneath the behavior is a desire for control. They do this through: - being in constant contact (allows them to always know where the person is) - attempting to spend every moment together

- learning aspects about your life (later, these will be weaponized) - doing everything they can for you (to create a sense of being indebted to them) It is possible to meet someone and have a passionate, immediate connection.

Love bombing is different. Signs of Love Bombing: 1. The relationship feels like it's moving too quickly It's common for people who love bomb to want to move in quickly, or push for commitment without getting to truly know each other.

If you get that intuitive feeling things are moving too quickly, trust it. 2. Their love comes with conditions People who love bomb might have unrealistic expectation around how you should behave or react.

ex: they shower you with gifts and when you thank them, they say you're ungrateful. They have high expectations around how you should reciprocate and their gifts or actions all come with conditions.

3. They demand excessive attention Attachment wounding causes people who love bomb to need a constant sign that their partner loves them. They struggle with separation anxiety, allowing space, or understanding the need for outside relationships.

They might guilt trip their partner any time they're not their partner's sole focus. 4. They're highly critical Just as people who love bomb can shower people with praise, they can also shower them with criticism.

People who love bomb usually struggle to regulate their emotions. When upset, they can easily spiral into harsh criticism and insults. Sometimes, they might dissociate and not even remember interactions.

Then, they'll profusely apologize and promise it will never happen again. It always does happen again because they cannot regulate their emotional state and lack impulse control.

5. They don't understand or respect boundaries People who love bomb don't have boundaries or expect anyone in their lives to have boundaries. Their emotional immaturity doesn't allow them to understand that people have different needs than they do.

When you set a boundary, they respect it and expect you to just be fine with it. Ex: You tell your partner that you need a night to yourself to catch up with work and get some space and they show up anyway.

You remind them you asked for space and they say: "Yea, but I was in the neighborhood and there's a new episode on tonight, let’s s just hang out!" Their own need (to be together) comes before their partner's need (to have space).

Love bombing is a common form of emotional abuse that goes unrecognized. Please share this to bring more awareness. If you like this thread follow: @Theholisticpsyc I'm a holistic psychologist and I write threads to help you heal, every day.


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