Auto-homoeroticism is one of the least understood elements of transexuality, and I attribute this to our culture's utter incapacity to understand or credit female heterosexuality

There isn't much thinking on this (at least that I've found), even among sexologists looking into ROGD. The disparity between online culture and what the gender critical researchers have to say is great enough that it feels to me like some sort of boomer self-censorship

Fanfic is the cornerstone of heterosexual (and "bisexual") ftm internet culture, and fanfic IS an expression of sexuality and romanticism. That young women deny this is a manifestation of the distaste for attraction to males which permeates our society-

Even gay men (the base case for queerness) are portrayed almost exclusively as "twinks on twinks"; that a manly man might be the object of gay desire is generally reserved for jokes or simply sidestepped though the portrayal of feminine homosexuals

From what I've seen, I believe that adolescent onset transexuality is basically always psychosexual in nature. Adolescence is when gender takes on a sexual dimension, most elements of family and social gender having been inculcated in childhood

What confuses me about autohomoeroticism is the dom/sub filter layered over yaoi. The simplest case goes like this: straight FtM teens desire equitable heterosexual relationships, and feel that this is only accessible to them in the context of male homosexuality

But the relationships portrayed in fanfic are overwhelmingly NOT equitable, they are dom/sub (a/b/o being the most direct manifestation of this, literal physiological top and bottom dimorphism). How to square this circle?

The mechanism of power a self-inserting girl experiences in fanfic is "desirability". The alpha is so pheromonally overcome with attraction to the beta that he loses his self control. This loss of self control, willingness to sacrifice for the sake of sexual gratification from-

the beta, is the most salient feature of yaoi fanfic. "He is so attracted to 'him' (her) (me) that he can't help himself" Think 50 Shades of Gray-lavishing valuables on a woman due not to her actions but just some ineffable attractive quality of her person

My only explanation of this is that this desirability must incorporate feminine agency in a equitability-creating way. It's noteworthy that the bottom doesn't DO anything to provide the male with gratification; it's not sexual skill or attentiveness, but sheer desirability-

which causes the alpha to be satisfied. It's a pillow princess sort of pornography- dead fishing that works itself out without the woman having to do anything physically other than be receptive. (no coincidence that ftm straights are generally sexually inexperienced)

All of this perhaps constitutes a means of reconciling the desire for agency and dominance with a deep seated humiliation over "getting fucked", an understanding of penetration as inherently de-agentifying. But why must the attractive powerbottom be male?

Two theories. One: simple dysphoria. Inability to consider oneself attractive alleviated by projection into someone unlike oneself. Two: a category error. An understanding "those who have sexual agency are men", rather than "males have sexual agency".

I obviously lean towards the second. The desire to transcend one's body imo MUST be rooted in a hard irrationality, the basic incoherence of the concept necessitates it.

Interestingly, the woman who used her physical infirmity to sexually assault me in college is engaged deeply in fanfic, has expressed ftm sentiments, and engaged with me sexually in this "pillow princess" way. I complained to her that I felt I was being used as a human dildo;

She never took any steps to gratify me whatsoever, outright refused to do so extremely strenuously. I felt at the time that she viewed my getting off as her loss, that for me to enjoy myself at all would be a submission on her part.

If this pleasure model of ftm holds true, then understanding heterosexual ROGD will require an exploration of female heterosexuality which takes seriously the attraction women feel towards men, and finds the origin of the incapacity to see penetration as agentifying

Is "getting fucked" as an inherent submission a cultural construct, or a biological one? Why does agency for these women only exist in "allowing" rather than "performing"? Underconfidence, or an inherent mechanical relation?

Until the psychosexual dimension of AHE is understood as well as AGP, rapid onset gender dysphoria is going to remain a black box.

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