Sam O'Halloran

Sam O'Halloran

28-07-2022

13:05

If you want your coaching offer to convert to cold traffic then your copy has to be world-class. Here’s how to do it:

The key is to make sure you put the reader first. Every line we write should be continually rephrased to put the reader first until it clearly does. Let me use some examples:

Example 1: "The Cut 10 Pounds Challenge helps women shed those pesky final pounds in 8 weeks. The program combines nutrition and intense weight training to melt the last remaining inches of fat on their back, waist, things, chin, and butt."

It’s not terrible copy. But it could be made better by speaking directly to the reader. See example 2.

Ex 2: "The Cut 10 Pounds Challenge sets you up to shed those pesky final pounds in 8 weeks. The program combines nutrition and intense weight training to melt the last remaining inches of fat off your back, waist, things, chin, and butt" This is better. But it could be improved

Ex 3: "Shed those pesky final pounds in The Cut 10 Pounds Challenge. For 8 intense weeks, you’ll cut the junk from your diet and hit the weights hard. Get definition in your face, thighs, waist, and back. And de-jiggle your bum."

You may even have to read through the examples a couple of times to see exactly what we did. This is how to take your copy from good to great. It’s in the small details. Even though adding "you" and "your" make it more personal it’s not enough.

How we phrase certain benefits and the structure of our sentences make a huge impact. It’s just not always obvious to the untrained eye. Let’s break the changes down:

Sentence 1: See how we changed the structure of the first sentence? We provided the same information but rephrased it in a way where it sounded like we were talking directly to them in a personal conversation.

Starting off with the name of the program wouldn’t be natural for a normal conversation. It made it sound like we were directly selling it to them. We want to sell without it sounding like we are selling.

Sentence 2: We changed it from telling them directly what they were going to get to the direct benefits they were going to receive in their personal life Nutrition & intense weight training = cut the junk food and hit the weights hard Nutrition isn’t sexy

But cutting junk food is because this avatar knows their biggest issue is that they give in to the temptation of junk food too much. Even changing "intense weight training" to "hitting the weights hard" delivers the same message but makes it more casual and personal.

Sentence 3: Melt the last remaining inches of fat off your back, waist, etc = get definition in your face, thighs, waist, and back Here we changed the direct benefit to the result. Losing fat is the direct benefit. The result is that they gained more definition.

The result is what our audience really wants, not the benefit. If we had more space to write we could have talked about the result once removed. This would have been increased confidence, more compliments, easier to get dates, more sex, etc.

Sentence 4: Here we isolated one of the desires of our audience. In this example, we knew the biggest pain of our avatar was that they felt insecure when walking because their butt jiggled.

So we honed in on it as we knew talking about this would have the most impact. We didn’t want it to get lost by leaving it in a list with the other body parts. Honing in on one specific and relatable pain point made the copy much more personal (& effective).

There you go, that’s how to become a grade-A copywriter. Save this thread so you can refer back to it when you are proofreading your next piece of ad copy or sales page. Using the above can take a sales page from converting at 2% to 5%. Resulting in a 2.5X increase in sales.

PS, if you’re an online coach doing 5 figures a month and want us to scale you to consistent 6-figure months then apply using the link below:


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