twitch.tv/Limmy

twitch.tv/Limmy

24-09-2022

10:56

I've been feeling very mentally well recently, I've been feeling better in this last week than I have for quite a while, due to some measures I've taken. I feel more alert, more in the moment, less distant with my heid in the past or future, happier and more positive in general.

The first thing I did was acknowledge that I didnae feel good and I wanted to do something about it, cos sometimes I can get so used to it I don't even notice, or I don't remember what it's like to feel better, or remember that I can control it to an extent.

My main problem is that I can have trouble doing nothing, I can find it difficult being content and having nothing on my mind. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people.

So I use my spare moments to think of things, and I've got into the habit of thinking about bad stuff. Going over stuff from the past, going over conversations and events, rehearsing in my mind for future possibilities, like I'm playing chess.

And I came to the realisation that I was fucking sick of it. Sick of my mind always being elsewhere, in the past or future, when the only time I can experience is the here and now.

I wondered if maybe there's a purpose to all this ruminating, like it'll help me in the future. But it won't, cos when the future comes, I'll spend it ruminating about the future beyond. It won't stop. Well it has to stop, I want it to stop, so that's that.

I've decided to tune into the here and now more. I haven't gone as far as to start meditating daily like I used to, but just being more present.

One of the things I used to like about drinking was that after two or three drinks, I'd be more in the moment. I'd stop dwelling upon the past and preparing for the future, and instead just tune into the surroundings and people and music and more trivial things.

I want that, but without the booze, and I've been managing to do it. When I catch myself thinking about the usual pish, I turn my attention to the here and now. Another thing that's been helping with my attention is watching what I eat.

A wise man on here once advised me to "sort your diet out", and I have. When I get restless, I have a bad habit of eating too much and eating shite. It makes me feel fucked, I cannae think straight, I want to lie down, I don't want to listen.

I've stopped overeating, which is fucking hard cos I love eating, and I've cut out the sugary shite. I've also stopped eating bread for the timebeing, but fuck knows how long I can keep that up for. But I feel much better. More awake. More able to take things in.

Anyway, I could go on, but I'll fuck up. Thought I'd share in case you're interested, plus it's a reminder to my future self if I get bored of feeling good and slip into my old ways.


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