Else, on hiatus πŸŒ’βœ¨

Else, on hiatus πŸŒ’βœ¨

08-10-2022

02:48

Half the time she hears someone else's voice when you speak. Words unlike your own badly dubbed over the motion of your lips, a tone of voice that you would never use. She's never able to hide the way she flinches at the venom pooling in her ears, no matter how hard she tries.

And she does try, of course she does. She's not stupid. She knows what happens to people who can't hold on to the world, and she's spent more of her life than she can remember (which is easy: she hardly remembers anything) desperately clinging to her model of consensus reality.

She tries so hard to be normal ... You're not stupid either, though, and more to the point she told you in a drunken haze, half-panicked, only a few months after she finally moved in with you. It was cute. She was scared you'd already noticed; she wasn't sure if you were you.

You did your best to console her, of course you did. That's what good people do. But, well ... It's not like there aren't benefits to having a partner who's never sure if she heard what you actually said, and doubly so if she can't see the clues in your face and on your lips.

The way she flinches, those moments of confused incomprehension before she decides that the slurs on your lips were just another symptom of her illnessβ€”and gods, the way she shivers every time you adjust your behavior just a few notches! Like she thinks you've been replacedβ€”

Gaslighting her doesn't take any effort at all; just do whatever you want and she'll tear her own model of reality to shreds. Give her the slightest hint of uncertainty and she'll cling to you like you're the sole arbiter of what Is and what Isn't, her only lighthouseβ€”

And each time you make reality shift beneath her it only makes her love you more. It only makes her need you more. She's such a helpless doll.


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