Subhajit | Resilient Human

Subhajit | Resilient Human

27-04-2022

13:02

8 simple steps that’ll help you handle extreme emotions better than 95% of people - thread -

Our emotional brain is 6 billion times more powerful than our thinking brain. So what happens when you’re under extreme emotions like rage, terror, grief, or disappointment? They hijack your thinking brain. You lose the ability to think straight.

You say things that should not have been said. You do things that should not have been done. The result? You end up ashamed, embarrassed, and plagued with regret. What can you do about that? Here are some healthy ways to handle strong emotions without picking up regrets:

1. Pause and Take a Breather When you feel too emotional, here’s what you do first: - Stop. - Take a pause. - Breathe in deep from your belly. Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly.

You will find this difficult. You will feel you are in danger. You will feel the urge to fight or flight. But resist that urge. Remember that you are not in control right now. If you react now, you will regret it later.

2. Label your Emotions What exactly are you feeling now? Hint: “I’m feeling terrible” is not a good answer. Are you nervous? Disappointed? Sad? Confused? Furious?

Before you can change how you feel, you have to know what is it that you want to change. So try to be as clear and precise as you can. Use this chart as a guidance

3. Discover the ‘Why’ of your Emotion Emotions are neutral messengers. They are here to guide you and give you clues. Your job is to decode the clues and solve the mystery.

Bring yourself back in control and get the thinking brain engaged. Then dig deeper while staying present. Try to think rationally. What’s unique about the current situation? Get your thinking circuits engaged. Your strong emotions will lose their hold over you

4. Validate your Emotions There’s one terrible mistake that 95% of people do while dealing with strong emotions. They beat themselves up for being angry, sad, or disappointed. They feel as if it’s their moral feeling. So now they have to deal with shame on top of it all.

Stop doing that. Validate your emotions. Tell yourself it makes sense to feel what you’re feeling. There’s no shame in that.

5. Postpone Dealing with It When you’re under extreme emotions, you are not best equipped to deal with the issues behind it. You need a distraction first. What are your to-go happy activities?

It can be: - Reading a book - Going for a walk - Drawing and painting - Creating a gratitude list - Listening to uplifting music - Meditating for a few minutes - Talking to a friend or a loved one

Distract yourself. But tell yourself that you will address the issue, if not right now. And keep that promise to yourself.

6. Stop Ruminating As the Stoics say "Things don’t change how we feel. How we think about things does." Where are your thoughts? What stories are you telling yourself? Are you replaying the old scenarios over and over again?

Stop that. Think about something different - doesn’t matter if it’s silly. Who would win in a fight between a polar bear and a grizzly? Or can you really create an anti-gravity device with cats? The fire of emotions fades away quickly without the oxygen of rumination.

7. Make Your Feelings Tangible Now the fun part begins. This is where you make your emotions something real. Unleash them upon the world. But how do you do that?

Pick your choice: - Draw how you’re feeling. - Punch and scream into a pillow - Get yourself moving. Work out, dance, or do martial arts. - Write about how you feel in your journal (my personal favorite) You’ll feel the tide ebbing slowly.

Your emotions are now out of your system. You now know what has been bothering you. Now you’re all set to figure out how best to respond. And you will do that while keeping your goals and your personal values in mind.

8. Choose How you Want to Respond You have wrestled the control from your feeling brain. Now let the thinking brain do its job. Think. Ask yourself “what’s the solution?” How can you take back control?

Has someone’s behavior upset you? Talk to them in a polite but assertive manner. Use this template: “When you <do this>, then <this happens>, and I feel <what you feel>. I’d prefer <if you do this>”

You are not at the mercy of your emotions anymore. You will find many logical options available to you.

TL;DR 1. Pause and take a breather 2. Label your emotions 3. Discover the ‘Why’ of your emotions 4. Validate your emotions 5. Postpone dealing with It 6. Stop ruminating 7. Make your feelings tangible 8. Choose how you want to respond

People who can stay calm under extreme emotions seem superhuman. But it’s not a gift that they are born with. They apply the above strategies and stay in control.

True...this is not a skill you pick up over the weekend. It needs effort and discipline. But the rewards are well worth the effort.

Dealing with anger, grief or disappointment will not seem overwhelming. You will not say or do things that bring you shame or regret later. So start applying these strategies in your life today. You will reap the benefits sooner than you expected.

I'm looking for a few more people in their 30s-40s who want to become ASSERTIVE and SECURE in their relationships in 12 weeks. Without spending time and energy on trial and error. Only 2 more spots left. DM me and let's see if we are a good fit 👇

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