birdy

birdy

10-10-2022

22:36

#miyacestober2022 Day 10: Audience, Non-canon occupation Atsumu has been mad at his brother for six years, eight months, and twenty-seven days, but he’s not an asshole. Well, he is and he definitely can be at times, but he’s not. He swears on his dead grandma’s grave.

Just because he’s been mad at Osamu for the past six years, eight months, and twenty-seven days does not mean he doesn’t love his brother. (He does. A lot. Too much that he doesn’t know what to do with it.) But he still feels the sting of betrayal, the feeling of abandonment.

He’s grown up since then, and he has learned not to make things about himself, but still. Still. Osamu wanted to pursue his own dream. They would never stand together on the court ever again. Atsumu told him he was going to be the happier one. Osamu still left him.

Despite that grudge he still holds, he finds himself standing in the audience in this venue that can fit at most 100 people. He has been to concerts before, but not at this scale and certainly not of an artist signed to an independent label, so this is a new experience for him.

He feels terribly out of place surrounded by all these fashionable artsy people, with their felt hats and dyed neon hair and purple lipstick and everything that he would not see on a regular basis in his own life.

Finally, the lights dim, and the audience cheers and calls out Osamu’s name, which makes Atsumu feel a type of way. He feels something awful upon seeing strangers support Osamu, something he hasn’t been able to be because of his own busy schedule.

All these people have seen Osamu grown. Atsumu has not. It makes him jealous, the bitter taste lingering on his tongue, but it’s ultimately trumped by guilt, and it has him thinking he doesn’t deserve to be here.

What’s worse is that Osamu never held it against him. Osamu always invited him, whether it was to hang out or for his shows. Osamu always extended a hand to him. And Atsumu always declined. … maybe it wasn’t Osamu that left Atsumu. Maybe it was Atsumu that left him.

His eyes begin to burn just as the stage lights turn up. He clenches his jaw as he watches his own brother walk across the stage with his guitar and his band members take their positions. Guitar strapped to him, he steps up to the mike, and with a deep low voice, he says hello.

He’s about to say something more, but then he looks at Atsumu, and Atsumu can’t breathe. In that moment in time, they stare at each other, all those years, months, and days, between them melting away. The audience fades away, and then… it’s just them.

Osamu smiles. Atsumu let’s out a shuddering breath and tries to smile back. And then Osamu begins to strum, his band following after.

He sings beautifully. He doesn’t belt, his voice is not strong enough for that, but Atsumu can feel his passion through his voice, through his words. He looks tender, vulnerable. It makes Atsumu want to cry.

Halfway through the set, Osamu takes a sip of his water and swallows. He sighs and stares out into the audience. “This next song is for someone whom I loved. A lot more than I should have. Someone I hurt. Someone who hurt me.” He looks at Atsumu, and Atsumu’s eyes widen.

He couldn’t possibly be… can he? Does he? Does Osamu feel that way? Had Osamu been feeling that way? “And what’s funny… well, not funny. Pitiful? I don’t know. But I still love them. I honestly won’t stop loving them.” He starts playing, and Atsumu can’t help but listen.

“Long ago we said something we regret / China thrown and words we can’t forget / and now I’m lost without my light / takes us both backward.” These lyrics… they hit too close to home. It’s definitely about them. And Atsumu doesn’t know what to do.

(What does one do when you’re in love with someone who hurt you? What does one do when someone confesses on stage how they feel the same about you?)

“This is it, this is the place / where we mend / or where we break.” Atsumu is an asshole, but fuck he misses Osamu. All those years of feeling incomplete, of feeling broken… something inside Atsumu snaps, and he’s powerless to stop himself.

“I won’t stop loving you / I won’t stop loving you / no matter what you do.” Tears fall fast down his face as he watches his brother underneath the bright lights in awe, in regret, in joy, in love, as he listens to the sorrow and hope in his brother’s voice.

When the song ends, Atsumu still cries. His chest heaves, his body shakes. Sniffling, he raises an arm to wipe his face, but only ends up sobbing silently into his elbow. All around him, everyone cheers loudly for him with the occasional person laughing through their tears.

Somehow, he barely makes it in one piece through the show, always on the verge of falling apart. He stands outside the venue as it empties out, the audience loudly complimenting Osamu and his band and how great of a show it was. Leaning against the brick wall, he tries to breathe

Too busy trying to replay the concert back in his head, to recreate the image of Osamu, beautiful onstage and singing his heart out to Atsumu, he doesn’t even notice how much time has past until it’s just him. Looking around, he tries to see if Osamu left yet, but sees no one.

Pressing his lips together to stop them from quivering and from the disappointment settling, he lets out a sharp sigh and sniffs. He turns around and begins to walk only to see Osamu standing some feet away from him holding his guitar case. “You came,” Osamu says breathlessly.

Before he knows it, Atsumu steps forward and snaps, “Of course I came. Why wouldn’t I have?” “Ya never came before.” The accusation hurts, but Atsumu never deflates. “Yeah, well, I’m fuckin’ here now,” Atsumu mutters.

Osamu blinks before his face softens. He smiles that same smile. “You are.” Silence falls over them. Atsumu shuffles in his spot before he blurts out, “Didya mean it?” “Yes,” Osamu says seriously. He takes two steps and suddenly he’s all up in Atsumu’s space. “I meant it.”

“No. Didya really mean it?” Atsumu demands, eyes already watering once more. “About loving me?” Osamu wraps a hand around Atsumu’s neck and brings him closer. “Yes.” And he kisses Atsumu to show him. That he’s sorry, that he was hurt, that he was and is still in love with him.

have not been writing, but here’s a thread for everyone! the song Osamu sings (though I imagine his voice deeper)

this could easily be seen as platonic, but naaaaaah


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